Updated! – Two Key Tools for Navigating a Rough Patch in Your Relationship

Husband, wife, spouse, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend – whatever you call yourself and your partner in your long-term relationship, the challenges are often very much the same.

Almost every relationship goes through rough patches, and for those who want to work through it together, support and accountability are two tools that are crucial for successfully navigating that rough patch.

Let's Start With Support

There are two different contexts in which to consider support in this scenario: supporting each other, and an external support system.

During a rough patch, it can feel like everything you do or everything your partner does is a little bit off, downright irritating, and leads to a quarrel. For most couples, a season of being just a little bit “off” is totally normal. Even so, in these seasons, you should endeavor to support your partner, and you should also be leaning into an external support system.

While you may feel inclined to keep your relationship problems to yourself for any number of understandable reasons, it's much more productive to identify a few key people you can talk to about the issues your relationship is facing and how you can work through them. 

It may be tempting to discuss this with someone like a friend who will immediately book a rage room to destroy relics of your relationship while saying things like "I never liked..." and hurling insults. That friend is for breakups, not working through a rough patch. 

Instead, you want to look for someone in your life who's willing to think about both sides of each story, and who is rooting for you and your partner, while also being willing to call you out when you're self-sabotaging. This could be a friend, family member, or even a therapist or life coach. 

Accountability is Also Key

When in a rough patch, accountability is even more important than usual. If you want to make it through this rough patch together, that means you BOTH have to be willing to do the work. To check in emotionally, to be honest about your priorities and challenges, and to change what you can – which is always yourself and never the other person.

Accountability can be as small as completing the tasks you said you'd do, like taking out the garbage or emptying the dishwasher. It can also be bigger things, like being on-time to counseling sessions or anything else for which you might set an appointment.

Accountability also means being fully present in your discussions about your day and about your future, and staying fully in your relationship while you figure out a way to work through the rough patch together. 

It can be difficult, especially when things are already tense, to feel comfortable "calling out" your partner in a way that is direct and respectful. But, if you really want to make it through the rough patch and into smoother seas, candor and accountability are key. If only one of you does the work, it simply won't work. If one of you has one foot out the door, instead of truly working through your issues, that's not behavior that will support a long-term, healthy relationship.

We know that not all relationships make it through rough patches intact, but those who navigate them successfully often come out stronger on the other side.

That’s why we at Couples Success have developed a community of support and accountability that you are able to join through our Private Facebook Group. In this community, you will find the encouragement you need, so you don’t have to go through these rough patches alone. 

Click “learn more” below to join the group.