Check in regularly...before they check out permanently

Max and Stephanie realized some years ago that their relationship was in a little bit of trouble. They weren’t exactly unhappy together, though they both acknowledged that things were “fizzling” between them. They didn’t want to get a divorce, and they didn’t want to keep going as they were. Both Max and Stephanie were sure that they wanted more of the “loving feeling” they had when they first met. 

We offered this couple several strategies they could use to bring some heat back to their relationship. Some focused on intimacy, some on communication, and some on changing the daily ways they interacted with each other. 

One that we love and recommend to couples often is one that focuses on both your daily interactions and how you communicate. 

Check-In Regularly... Before They Check-Out Permanently

Remember, it's the little things that make a huge difference. 

You may think you know all the details of your partner’s life, or maybe you feel a bit intrusive asking for information. The truth is, every day that you can ask questions allows you to get to know your partner better, and what’s really great – it keeps you and your partner connected and prioritizes your relationship. 

Here are a few ways we suggest to keep in the habits of communication and connection:

• Ask how they are daily.

  A simple "How was your day?" will not only keep you in touch and in sync, but when paired with active listening, this tool can become the basis for a complete communication transformation. Simply asking your partner about their day and really listening to them lets them know that you really care about them. 

• Have regular relationship check-ins.

  This means that it's not just the daily things that you must discuss, and highlights that you need to check in about the big stuff too. If there are any big changes — moving in, getting engaged, going on holiday, buying a house, having kids  — make sure you talk about them regularly. It gives you both an important platform to air concerns and to say plainly what it is that excites you about your relationship. 

• Talk things through before they happen.

  It’s easy to forget to touch base beforehand if you know something is coming up that might throw things off kilter. For example, if you know you have a stressful project coming up at work that is going to take more of your time and attention, you should probably clue your partner in that this is happening. This way, your partner knows that your actions and feelings aren’t about them, and are about factors that are external to your relationship. 

If you make a regular practice of talking and listening, then we are sure you will see your relationship change for the better, like Max and Stephanie did. 

Regular check-ins and daily chats about their days meant that Max and Stephanie were sharing stories with each other again. Stephanie remembered just how much Max made her laugh, and how much he paid attention to the details she shared. Likewise, Max remembered how supportive Stephanie is about his work and how valuable her insights can be. 

By implementing these simple changes in their communication, Max and Stephanie were able to rekindle their love and attraction, and their relationship began to thrive. No one thought about leaving again.