Updated! – A Simple tip to stop arguments in your relationship
If your spouse is upset, disappointed or offended by something you have done or not done, or said or not said, their feedback is not an indictment of you personally.
Calm down, take a deep breath, and remember that your partner has feelings too. Step back and try to see things from their perspective.
When your partner or spouse becomes frustrated with you, it does not mean that you are a terrible person. It doesn’t even mean that you necessarily did something bad or wrong. And, there’s always the possibility that it may not have anything to do with you at all.
Instead of becoming defensive and making it all about you, before you begin blaming or minimizing the ‘attack,’ think of this as a golden opportunity to listen. This is a great chance to understand how to be a better partner.
“Thank you for caring enough about me to be honest” is a great place to start.
Assume that your spouse is coming to you out of love. Even if they are coming to you out of frustration, at least they care about you and your relationship enough to bring up what is bothering them.
When someone’s frustrated with you, it is not the time to defend yourself because that will more than likely intensify the situation. Instead, recognize the anxiety and frustration in your spouse, and allow it to diffuse by listening attentively and apologizing. Later, when everyone’s calmed down, you can address the issue from your viewpoint, gently and lovingly.
The next time you’re frustrated with your spouse, keep these feelings in mind when you want to give him or her negative feedback of your own. No one likes to feel attacked.