If It's Important to You, It's Important to Me
If you’re looking to increase closeness in your relationship, you might try adopting the attitude —
“If it’s important to you, it’s important to me.”
What this means in couples is that if one partner takes something seriously, then you will do your best to support your partner with your words, your thoughts, and your actions.
Let’s look at an example.
Nathan was a high school teacher, and he would often announce sporting events at his school. Before he was a teacher, Nathan worked as a sports announcer for minor league baseball, and he loved that he got to embrace this part of his life in a new way, even though his career path has changed. Because of this, it was important to him that his wife, Anna, come to hear him deliver the play-by-play of varsity boys basketball. Anna worked two jobs and was often exhausted by the time Friday night’s games came about. She desired nothing more than to stay in, put on sweatpants, and binge-watch something on Netflix. Even so, she heard how deeply Nathan wanted her to come to the basketball game.
Adopting the attitude, “If it’s important to you, it’s important to me,” Anna agreed to come listen to Nathan announce. He was thrilled, and she was proud of the response from the crowd as her husband’s voice filled the gym.
You might look for ways you can show up for your partner in your own relationship.
The next time your partner tells you that something is really important to them, you might consider asking how you can support them. It might not look like attending a sporting event, but maybe they need you to help them prepare or take something off their hands so they can focus on the thing that is important. The point is, there are all kinds of ways you can show up for your partner, and the thing that matters most is that you choose a way that makes your partner feel that you’ve got their back.
Then, make a plan together to ensure that your plan to support your partner actually happens. For Nathan and Anna, that meant that Anna showed up at school at a specific time, Nathan met her at the front door, and they walked together to the gym. She settled into a bleacher seat behind the table from which Nathan was announcing, and she gave her full attention to the basketball game. They were even able to talk about the game when they got home, and Nathan loved the feeling that his wife had been invested in something that he cared about.
If you want to experience the same kind of closeness in your relationship, then one way to get there is by adopting the philosophy, “If it’s important to you, then it’s important to me.”