Updated! – Three Ways to Better Communicate with Your Partner
Communication is the backbone of any relationship.
When loving partners slip into communication madness, we can end up feeling unimportant and unheard. If these trends continue, negativity and resentment can build, dividing a couple before they realize what’s happened.
Working on effective communication when life is beautiful makes communication during more difficult times easier:
1. Practice Active Listening
All too often, we are frustrated with communication in our relationship because we feel as if our partner doesn’t hear us.
In a world of busy technology, it’s too easy to multitask while attempting to listen, but if we are holding a cell phone or checking a notification on a watch, we are not completely and actively listening to our partners. As multitasking occurs more frequently, it becomes a habit. We may think we’ve listened, but because we checked a notification or looked at our screen, something pulled us away from our partner. It doesn’t take long for someone to feel less than important if we allow this habit to intrude on the relationship.
Actively listening means being engaged. Don’t allow anything to pull either of you away until the conversation has ended. Engage in ways that move the talk forward and show understanding. Ask probing questions, and if left confused, ask for clarification. An active listener can paraphrase and summarize the conversation to act instead of reacting. Feel what your partner says. Observe body language. Refrain from judgment, reflect, and respond from a place of compassion rather than reaction.
2. Be Empathetic
Showing empathy allows our partner to see we care. It builds trust and a strong connection. Though we may not always understand why our partner feels a certain way, letting them know we can relate through empathy opens doors for understanding and compassion.
It’s important to know empathy doesn’t mean agreement. Showing empathy means we are hearing our partner’s concerns not that we agree with how they feel. Through empathy, we can express an understanding of their emotions, but it doesn’t mean we own those emotions ourselves.
Empathy is a humbling feeling. It allows us to understand a perspective we may not have. Because we view our relationship through the eyes of our partner when we empathize, becoming an active listener feels more natural. However, practicing empathy may take time. Here are some tips to help:
When talking, allow your partner to speak first and actively listen.
Express an understanding of how your partner feels by paraphrasing what they’ve communicated.
Connect by relating to how your partner feels.
When listening, avoid preparing a response but rather take time to feel the emotions your partner feels so the two of you can connect.
In more tense moments, don’t hesitate to take deep breaths before speaking rather than reacting. This gives time to find empathy and see your partner’s point of view, even if you’re not in agreement.
3. "I" Statements
Many times, in moments of tension, we place blame and project our emotions onto our partner. When we practice using I statements, our partner is more likely to actively listen and practice empathy. Using I statements effectively allows us to present how we feel, why, and what we need to do to alter those emotions. Instead of blaming our partner when frustrated, we can focus on how we feel rather than how their actions affect our emotions.
An important part of I statements is to recognize how we can make changes within ourselves to own our emotions instead of blaming our partner. Finding common ground through relating emotions helps couples to achieve a level of understanding and empathy that makes listening in an active instead of reactive fashion easier.
There are no big secrets to communicating well with your partner. It is important to remember the love between you and your partner stands stronger when you both understand that your position and emotions matter. That means that you listen without speaking, and work to remember that you both have meaningful feelings. You need make an effort to practice positive communication each day. Remember, you and your partner should be complimented far more than criticized by one another.
If you practice these three things when life is beautiful and you’re feeling good about your relationship, it will be easier to use those same skills when life is less than rosy and you have to work to be on the same page again.