Updated! – Tell-Tale Signs Your Marriage May Be Heading Off Track
Not all marriages last, but many that end may have lasted if the couple had seen some of the glaring signs of trouble.
Every couple argues, and many often experience regret after the argument.
When arguments end in resentment and anger builds without resolution, it may be a sign you’re drifting away from perseverance. When arguments are left open-ended, partners may begin to feel contempt for another. When either of you speaks to the other with a complete lack of respect, it devalues your partner and your relationship. This contempt builds between you both as you each minimize how the other feels and lose the value of your lives intertwined.
In this space, many couples feel they have to walk around their partner in fear of saying anything because of an assumed negative reaction. Others become defensive and on guard for fear of being attacked. Usually, these attacks come in the form of verbal insults and sting more with each one. Again, the lack of remorse doesn’t often leave room for resolution. Instead, these hurtful words become harmful munitions in the marriage.
Here’s a list of some of the most glaring signs to look out for:
Being critical of one another can often mean respect has been lost between you two.
Unresolved arguments, worrying about saying or not saying the right thing, or accusations that may be thrown your way puts a wedge between you both. This can cause each of you to nit-pick at every little thing, and even react with more anger than before with larger issues. A good marriage is between two people who compliment one another more than they criticize one another.
Loss of interest in physical connection.
A busy career and family life are enough to ruin a sex life, but ultimately, if those things along with other things interest you or your partner more than being intimate together, you may be in trouble. Physical intimacy depends so much on emotional intimacy, so if you two are struggling to connect on an emotional level, it makes sense a large aspect of your marriage – your sex life – would be affected. When we are bitter and angry, we don’t want to connect with our partner. Too much of this physical time apart makes reconnection more difficult.
Visualizing life without your partner.
Whether you can imagine yourself with someone else or imagine yourself living a full life without your partner, taking them out of the vision for your future could put your relationship at risk. In your mind, you may already be there. Figuring out what life may be life without your spouse prepares your mind and your heart for that foreshadowing disconnect. Stepping out of the marriage is a concrete break of trust and betrayal that forces your emotions on another person, causing distance between you and your spouse.
The silent treatment.
It's a tell-tale sign you or your partner are no longer interested in seeking refuge with one another if your spouse isn’t talking to you, It’s likely they are holding emotions in and allowing negativity to overtake the space where love used to live. The silent treatment goes both ways, and is often a sign of loss of trust. If you two have completely stopped communicating, especially about important issues, neither of you trust the other to behave in a reasonable and respectful manner when challenged.
One spouse wishes to repair the marriage while the other is checked out.
If only one of you wishes to focus on fixing the issues between you, the path to success may be a difficult and lonely journey. Convincing one spouse to reconnect when they’ve lost trust in the process can be difficult, but not impossible. It is most definitely a sign that your marriage may be in trouble, but it may not mean that it’s the end for the two of you. As long as there is enough compassion to see where you each are, there is still hope.
None of these signs are the end-all-be-all to divorce. Even with broken trust, miscommunication, moments of disrespect, and anger building a wall between you two, with commitment and attention to one another’s needs, your marriage may have a chance.
Sometimes a therapist or mediator can help reopen the lines of communication in a healthy way. Setting boundaries while healing and talking about expectations can bring you both to a better understanding of how you each feel. There are healthy ways to resolve these issues, so if giving up isn’t on your mind, don’t throw in the towel just yet. Hang in there and start again with baby steps and goals for each of you and for the marriage as a whole.