Deliver on What You Promise
If you want to avoid a lot of fights all together, then you will want to listen up.
Many fights and arguments start because one or both partners fail to deliver on a promise or commitment they made to their partner.
Earlier this year, we started working with a couple who was constantly fighting because Sam, the husband, could not seem to remember to do what his wife, Rachel, asked of him. They were getting ready to host Sam’s parents for a week, and Rachel needed Sam to move a bookshelf out of the guest room and into the basement. It was too heavy to move on her own, and she thought the extra space in the guest room would be more inviting for anyone who might come visit.
Sam assured his wife that he would move the bookshelf when he got home from work on Wednesday, and yet every day for a week, the bookshelf remained in the guest room and Sam remained oblivious to how annoyed his wife was getting.
Rachel didn’t understand why Sam wouldn’t just move the bookshelf. After all, in her mind, it was clear that doing so would make his parents more comfortable, and she really needed his help.
With each passing day that the bookshelf stayed in the guest room, Rachel’s frustration grew until it finally exploded into a full on fight the day before Sam’s parents were set to arrive.
Sam moved the bookshelf that night, and the couple didn’t speak the rest of the night or the next morning.
Sam’s parents arrived at a house with tension bubbling just under the surface.
The truth is, if Sam had just done what was asked of him when he had promised to, then this whole ugly situation could have been avoided.
Couples fight less when each partner delivers on what they say they will do!
We encourage you to take a page out of Sam and Rachel’s playbook of WHAT NOT TO DO.
The next time you're asked to do something, really think twice before saying “YES.” Because if you make a promise to your partner that you will do something, you need to follow through on it when you say you will.
Sam could have saved himself a lot of heartache and a fight with his wife if he had moved the piece of furniture on the day that he said he would. When he didn’t follow through, what Rachel felt was that she was being ignored, and that she was left alone to get the house ready for her husband’s family.
Rachel felt like she was left without a real partner.
However, if Sam had moved the bookshelf on Wednesday like he said he would, he would have communicated to his wife that he values her time and her effort to make their house ready to host his family. And he would have proven to be someone his wife can count on – a real partner!
You want to be someone your partner can count on!
So, if you agree to do something for your partner, decide in that moment to write yourself a note, or write the task on your hand. Do something so that you remember what you’ve given your word to do.
But, never agree to do something believing that you will just magically remember to get around to it later. Because the truth is you won’t remember, and you will only let down your partner.
The best thing to do, if you can, would be to jump up in that moment and knock that task out before you have a chance to forget or get busy with other things.
Delivering on what you say you will do is essential to being someone your partner counts on and wants to be married to, and is guaranteed to help you fight less and feel good in your relationship.