Releasing Resentment
Resentments are the guilty verdicts your partner convicts you of in the silent court of their own mind. You are convicted and sentenced without ever knowing you have ever broken a law.
Resentments can build up over time in a long term relationship.
Every couple seems to have trunks of anger, bitterness, and resentment that only seem to get taken out when there's some fighting to be done. You might think you need the ammo contained in those trunks, so that you can hurl all of the unfairness and injustice you seem to have experienced right back at your partner.
Psychologists have long discouraged this type of dumping and character assassination because it is so destructive to any relationship! But, we all know that the temptation to do this can be a bit overpowering in the heat of anger that has been fueled by resentment.
So, it seems that destructiveness comes about when resentments cause someone to utter things that really impugn their partners. Many things said in anger are often not the wisest to say. Resentment is, after all, a terrible tasting diet that consists of bitterness and bad feelings, finished off with a painful dose of anger and lack of forgiveness just to preserve its toxic power.
If allowed to run freely, resentment can become like hot lava flying from a volcano, covering anything in its path with waste and destruction, the likes of which cannot easily be undone.
This is why we encourage couples to bring up their concerns in a more relaxed communication with their partners, before allowing the ocean of resentment to fester into hot burning lava.
rELEASING RESENTMENT MEANS LEARNING TO FORGIVE.
Simple, clear communication in smaller chunks of data without intense overwork during a calm atmosphere for both parties can foster an attitude of cooperation, rather than building resentment.
It is that the willingness of either partner to air grievances in the heat of the moment that can actually be a vote of confidence and trust in a relationship. It is when one or both partners is silent and not complaining or participating in the upset at hand that usually means an escape route is being planned privately by one or both partners.
To release resentment, you are wise to practice the art of forgiveness so that you can stop being stuck dwelling on the past, and then, put your energy into the present moment. In a relationship as important as that which you have with your current partner/spouse, it is wise to remember that practicing forgiveness frees you from the poisonous effects of resentment.
Regardless of the cause, the effects of resentment without forgiveness are the same — a relationship without resiliency is one without an immune system; it's a relationship that cannot recover.